i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
