why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
