I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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