i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
