I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
