this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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