It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize