He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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