Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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