love makes seman taste better
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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