Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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