a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
