I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
