i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
