what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
