I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
