I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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