Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
