just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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