the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
