He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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