moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
