He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
