No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
