my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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