You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
