woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
