All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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