something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
