1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
