i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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