Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
