If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
