While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
