If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
this hospital has no fireball
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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