i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
