I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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