im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
