I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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