so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
