i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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