That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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