im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
