im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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