This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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