Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
