So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
