We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
