Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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