well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
