I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
