I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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