just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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