My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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