Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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