Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I had to cum in my sink.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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