Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
