I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
