I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
