there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
