omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
