I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
