I think I am morally bankrupt
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
