I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
