fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize