RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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