whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
