So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
