i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
