I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
