I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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