don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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