five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
