You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
