she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
