I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
